Ferret Jokes
Q: Why does a ferret get frustrated if you spray Bitter Apple on your feet or put on shoes to thwart him?
A: Ferrets are lack-toes intolerant.
Q: What do you call a mismatched pair of socks in the wash?
A: Evidence.
Q: How many ferrets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The correct question is, how many lightbulbs does it take. You must try to retrieve your lightbulbs from behind the couch faster than the ferret can hide them.
Q: How do you drive a ferret crazy?
A: Give him a round litter pan.
Q: What is a ferret's favorite song?
A: Dook, dook, dook, dook of Earl...
Q: Which is preferable for a sable colored ferret to have, a pink nose or a dark nose?
A: Makes no difference, they both smell the same. :)
Q: How do you keep a ferret from smelling?
A: Wash the bedding, give him infrequent baths with mild ferret shampoo, have a gib instead of a hob, feed a good diet, don't startle him... (What, you really expected me to say "give him a cold" ?! >;-)
Q: What do pretzels, CDs, underwear, and human arms have in common?
A: The containers that hold them are a good place for a nap.
Q: Why do ferrets do the Weasel War Dance?
A: A long time ago, the Creator said "I'd better put aside these Mexican jumping beans while the larvae develop, and work on another species." But the Creator's place was not ferretproofed. His pet ferret prototype saw the beans and thought they were raisins. He was so happy to eat so many treats at once, and at the same time the beans started jumping. Like Pavlov's dogs, the happiness and the bouncing became associated. To this day, you can see how the beans are jumping when your own ferret is happy.
Q: Why aren't ferrets legal in some states?
A: When legislators visited a pet store, they saw ferrets wrestling and hear people saying, "See, they're no good!" and leave thinking that these are not appropriate pets. In reality, if they'd stayed to listen closely, they would have realized that the pet store employees have been answering customers' questions, "Cedar? No good!"
Q: How many California ferret owners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Thousands. First they have to write to their representatives, educate others, obtain support, etc. then have a bill proposal pass through various committees before the government will allow the bulb to be changed.
Q: Why do ferrets sleep so soundly?
A: So that people in ferret-unfriendly areas can go outside looking like they're wearing a stole, and safely transport their fuzzies to the vet.
Q: Why is it ironic that ferret people try harder to get the lightbulb changed than does the bureacracy?
A: The ferret people are working by the light at the end of the tunnel, while the bureacracy cannot see the light.
Q: Who is a ferret's favorite government persona?
A: Socks.
Q: Who is a ferret's favorite (least favorite??) president?
A: John Fitchgerald Kennedy.
Q: Who is a ferret's favorite (least favorite??) singer?
A: Ella Fitchgerald.
Q: Queen Elizabeth bred albino ferrets. So what do you call it when Prince Andrew's ferret does the war dance?
A: The Dook of York.
Q: What do Muhammed Ali and Bandit the Ferret have in common?
A: They both know how to duke it out.
Q: Fuzzies favor fashions by which designer?
A: Alberta Ferretti.
Q: Which ferret's influence can be seen in The New Republic?
A: Leon Weaseltier's.
Q: Who is a mustelid's favorite composer?
A: Ferretric Chopin.
Q: Who is a ferret's favorite band?
A: The Ferretones.
Q: Which ferret became an author of stories set in WWII and after?
A: Elie Weasel.
Q: Which high-kicking mustelid won the Gold in Tae Kwon Do at the '92 Olympic Games?
A: Herb Ferretz.
Q: But isn't that the Zionist prime minister?
A: No, that's Shimon Ferretz.
Q: Oh-- isn't that another guy on the staff of The New Republic?
A: No, that's Martin Ferretzs.
Q: You are sleepy one morning and unintentionally fill your ferret's water bottle with Linatone. Your ferret: a) eats the Linatone and gets ill b) eats some Linatone but then acts thirsty c) concludes, "NOW the human has finally learned the trick I've been trying to teach it!!"
Q: What do you call that thing that--
A: Ferret toy.
YOU MIGHT BE A FERRET FANATIC IF...
[Reprinted from INDEPENDENT FERRET NEWS SERVICE Vol I No. 1 April 1997, Copyright ACME Ferret Co.]]
By Meg Carpenter
* ...You go to the store and buy PineFresh litter, and forget to buy toilet paper.
* ...You have more pictures framed of your ferrets than you do of your children.
* ...You really think your ferrets are your children.
* ...You shuffle everywhere instead of walking for fear of stepping on a ferret - (this looks odd in public places).
* ...You begin to think "Eau de Hob" smells as good as Joy.
* ...You're really ticked off because there's no shopping channel for ferrets.
* ...You won't go on vacation because you're afraid to leave the "children" with a stranger - even if she is your sister.
* ...When you get mad at your husband you hiss and bite his toes.
* ...You don't have enough mantle and adjacent wall space to hang stockings for all your ferrets, and yell at your kids if they try to put up theirs (greedy pigs!)
* ...You get sick and make an appointment for yourself at the vet's.
* ...You discuss ferret poop with another ferret fanatic and actually find this subject interesting.
* ...You get mad at a co-worker and grab him with your teeth at the back of the neck and shake him.
* ...You're late to work because it took so long to kiss all your ferrets good-bye.
* ...You make duck soup for your husband when he gets sick and force feed him with a syringe if he refuses to eat it.
* ...While others lobby for ferret rights, you are outraged because they don't get to vote.
* ...You can always think of a very good reason to keep or get just one more - after all, "How much trouble can one more be?"
* ...You'll watch a 2-hour movie to catch a 2-second glance of another ferret.
* ...You get really disgusted if the toilet seat is left up, but are not disgusted by cleaning poop from the floor and emptying litter boxes every day (sigh).
* ...You're totally grossed out if you step in dog poop, but not when you step in ferret poop.
* ...You realize that most of what you have written is about ferret poop.
Ferrets are in fact 10% love and joy, and 90% poop.
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