YOU MIGHT BE A FERRET FANATIC IF...

By Meg Carpenter
* ...You go to the store and buy PineFresh litter, and forget to buy toilet paper.
* ...You have more pictures framed of your ferrets than you do of your children.
* ...You really think your ferrets are your children.
* ...You shuffle everywhere instead of walking for fear of stepping on a ferret - (this looks odd in public places).
* ...You begin to think "Eau de Hob" smells as good as Joy.
* ...You're really ticked off because there's no shopping channel for ferrets.
* ...You won't go on vacation because you're afraid to leave the "children" with a stranger - even if she is your sister.
* ...When you get mad at your husband you hiss and bite his toes.
* ...You don't have enough mantle and adjacent wall space to hang stockings for all your ferrets, and yell at your kids if they try to put up theirs (greedy pigs!)
* ...You get sick and make an appointment for yourself at the vet's.
* ...You discuss ferret poop with another ferret fanatic and actually find this subject interesting.
* ...You get mad at a co-worker and grab him with your teeth at the back of the neck and shake him.
* ...You're late to work because it took so long to kiss all your ferrets good-bye.
* ...You make duck soup for your husband when he gets sick and force feed him with a syringe if he refuses to eat it.
* ...While others lobby for ferret rights, you are outraged because they don't get to vote.
* ...You can always think of a very good reason to keep or get just one more - after all, "How much trouble can one more be?"
* ...You'll watch a 2-hour movie to catch a 2-second glance of another ferret.
* ...You get really disgusted if the toilet seat is left up, but are not disgusted by cleaning poop from the floor and emptying litter boxes every day (sigh).
* ...You're totally grossed out if you step in dog poop, but not when you step in ferret poop.
* ...You realize that most of what you have written is about ferret poop.
Ferrets are in fact 10% love and joy, and 90% poop.